Life is interesting, With each passing year it brings with it some wonderful experiences, some of which are experienced for the first time. And those experiences bring along with it some confusion as well as excitement! Here’s my friend Artee Malave, sharing in her own words, an incident which made a flood of questions and thoughts flow in her mind! Some questions every girl turning 24 has to face.
Yes, Turning 24 and preparing myself for the question “Beta, Shaadi kab kar rahi ho?”
Few days back I was having coffee while relaxing on my favourite swing in the balcony & I heard my mom chatting with some random relative on phone. As soon as she hung up the phone, she ran to me and said “Guess what?” with a huge smile on her face. Seeing the blank expression on my face, she decided to finally tell me that “Mujhe(by that I mean me :D) rishta aaya hai.” For her it was moment of celebration & for me the coffee had suddenly started tasting more bitter! A little bit in trauma, those last words of mom kept repeating in my brain and that sudden realisation of growing up made me feel sick.
Mom later on was busy with her daily chores, I was still in the balcony trying to recover from the incident that has just happened. There were so many thoughts going on in my brain:
Oh my god! Marriage? What about my career!! I don’t even have my dream job yet…I will need few more years to settle down…I have never thought about the kind of guy I want to marry!
Deciding your life partner is a tough task. (I have been through some tough situations like deciding whether Oreo is better or Hide n Seek 😄 ). Lame jokes apart, being born and brought up with a family who gave me enough freedom, will I get the same freedom after marriage? Will I get to meet my friends after marriage too? Will he be okay with my male friends? Will he understand that my career is the most important thing in my life? Will he give me my space? Will he be able to handle my crazy mood swings? Will he understand that I can start dancing absolutely for no reason? ( this one was irrelevant, But I do start dancing when I am bored :D) And the questions poping up in my brain never stopped.
The girl who has been single for 23 years is always a bit confused about the kind of life partner she want, Whether she wants to be with a guy who is introvert or she wants to be with a guy who is extrovert, Whether a guy who stays calm in every situation or is super excited all the time. And, deciding this while offering a plate of samosa is the most difficult thing of all ( i.e Arrange marriage). Arrange marriage has always managed to scare the shit out of me. Everytime the people I know have got married, I always ask them how did they decide that this guy is the one, eveytime I got answers like “it just clicks” ( I wonder whether she married a human or a computer mouse) or “you just have this feeling that he is the one” (still searching …what exactly she meant.)
For me it was scary because I don’t understand how do people get married to the guy who they are not in love with!! Elder’s always say “U will eventually fall in love.” & I always argue “what if we don’t eventually fall in love?”, “what if we start hating each other?”, “what if he is not as interesting as I thought?” I never really got the answer for this questions. May be that’s why the divorce rate is increasing at such high pace. Back to the question, Meeting someone once (or may be twice or thrice) is not sufficient to decide whether you are going to spend rest of the life with this guy!! I know there are various articles on such topics “if guy has this 10 qualities marry him” but does this all really help? not to me atleast. This articles are based on generalisations but every person is different from other. And, my question remains still unanswered.
Evertime you come up with questions relating to Arrange marriage, people out there always suggest you to marry a guy who is rich or has his own flat. Really is having enough money sufficient to decide if He is the one? I always thought it in a different way, I think you should look for things that are going to stay permanent like his behaviour, the way he treats you, the sets of discipline he follows in his life because money is a temporary factor, its very important to know what kind of human being he is!!
Finally I would like to say Marry a guy Who learns with you, trusts you, encourages you and Respects you!!
Please don’t ask me where and how to find such a guy because I am still searching…